Positive Conflict

I am not going to argue about it!

What is the point of going over and over the same things?

I just want to be happy with you.

We need to forget about it!

Why do you keep bringing it up? Do you want to make me unhappy?

sound familiar?

Perhaps you have uttered one or more of them yourself?

Why is it so difficult for most of us to argue?

Isn’t this the time to resolve our differences?

If we don’t argue then how will anything change?

Ahhh….. there is that word ‘argue’.

Isn’t arguing the opposite of sorting out our differences?

All the associations one has with arguing.

Does arguing have to be a heated exchange?

Can we argue respectfully and lovingly?

We can.

How to do this?

Begin by negotiating the ground rules when discussing differences.

What tends to set you off when in conflict with another?

Start there.

I don’t like being talked down to………then both sit.

I don’t like being sworn at…….then don’t swear.

I hate feeling blamed…..then don’t blame.

I don’t feel listened to……then listen to your partner.

Sit and consider your thoughts and feelings about arguing.

Do you believe that you will be able to reach a resolve?

Or do you expect things to end badly?

We tend to meet our own expectations, negative or positive.

Disagreements are a time for resolve……..skilful resolve.

Or do you want to sit and dream of times gone by?

It is better to consciously argue than to unconsciously fight.

One is done with love and respect

The other is done with blame and shame.

You choose.