Small things can matter

I rang Michael up at lunchtime to see if we could have lunch together.  We normally can’t meet for lunch because we have different times we have our breaks and this can’t be changed for a variety of reasons.  I realised we could meet just as I was leaving my office and I was excited at the unexpected opportunity to see my darling.  I rang his mobile with a hopeful heart.  Two attempts and a left message later my  heart was sinking and disappointment  was trickling through my body.  Resignation.  O.k. – it’s not going to happen today.  I have only been able to meet him twice for the whole year so this lost opportunity was a bit sad.  I was approaching the Big W check out when my phone rings with his ring tone.  Excitement and fumbling hands.  I didn’t quite make it.  Damn.  We finally get each other after the usual criss-cross attempts that can happen with Mobiles.  Michael’s voice – “Hi Darling, I got your message.  Sorry – I’m on the way back to my office now”.  This statement was said with the “Mr Moore” voice.  It is a formal somewhat distant voice that I sometimes get from my Darling if he is on the phone and feeling a tad stressed.  I let out a sigh and say to him “O.k. Mr Moore I will see you after work”.  He laughs and says his goodbyes in the same formal tone.

Now I know that Michael certainly didn’t mean to be in any way hurtful and the exchange only had a small effect on my mood and only for a short time but on the way home we talked about it.  I told him I felt a little bit of hurt and he was tender and kind in his response – “I’m sorry Amore, I would have loved to have lunch with you today”.

So, for us, the small things matter.  I see so many couples in my Psychology Practice who don’t address the ‘small things’ and end up with a wall so high and thick between them that they can hardly see each other anymore.   Also – it is my expectation of daily love from this man that results in my hurt – and I won’t give up on that expectation.  I won’t give up on aiming for it and working towards it because it is what has resulted in the level of strong passion that we both feel after all these years.  Michael doesn’t give up on it either.  We do ‘sweat the small things’ and the big things – it all matters because our feelings and hearts are important.  We’re reaping the rewards every day.

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